That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
