Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
