ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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