We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
