If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
