do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
