I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
