I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
