Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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