ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
