you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
