false alarm. still invincible.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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