I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
