Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
