Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
