last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
