RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
