I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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