yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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