heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
