Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
