So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
