U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got chris browned last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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