I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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