What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
