dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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