The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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