don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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