Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
