Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize