I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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