i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize