Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
