Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
