I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
