There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
