Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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