so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
