I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize