Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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