I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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