Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
