He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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