Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize