dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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