drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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