just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
