My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
