My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
