definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
