My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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