My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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