but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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