Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
