I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
