Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
