So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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