Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
