I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I want her autograph on my taint
We talked him into tasing himself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
