i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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