i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
