why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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